This disability I am suffering has been a real eye opener. It has shown me that I am as independent and resourceful as I always knew I was…There is nothing I cannot do for myself if I want it bad enough and am very determined. I am always taken a bit back when I am out and about and someone (uninvitingly) offers to assist me. This will happen to me 3-4 times a day…almost at each stop on my errands. I always decline their help because the truth is I do not need their help. Truly, I’ve got the whipping the wheelchair in or out of the trunk down pat, and I am not a lazy person at all, so to sit back and let someone do the labor that I have no trouble doing myself is just…weird, to me. I think that expresses my feelings perfectly.
Occasionally I will seem to have hurt someones feelings by denying their help, like the gentleman today who kept insisting on helping me, whose efforts I rebuffed over and over. I felt as though perhaps I offended his sense of macho or something, by being a woman who clearly does not need the assistance of a man. I mean, that’s his issue, not mine. Right?
But then, later today, I had a bit of a revelation. I am not one bit above asking people for help if I want or need it…(I just rarely need it) I was in the grocery store, and I turned down the liquor isle, and I already knew that what I wanted was a can of beer on the highest shelf, and I didn’t want to have to brake the wheelchair and step up to try to reach it, so I checked out the bodies in the isle…I watched a few exit the end of the isle before I could get within asking distance…but there was a little gal in her short shorts, so I said “excuse me, could you help me?” She surprised me by being about 60, but what really surprised me was how THRILLED she seemed to assist me. I struggle to describe it really, because it’s almost embarrassing to realize, but she was nearly beside herself to have been able to give me a hand. I thanked her for her help, and she was like, no, thank YOU…it occurred to me then and there, that a lot of us tromp through life, and wish for something, anything, to give us a purpose, or a meaning, or a chance to be closer to God…and it is now my feeling that for some people, they really need to assist others, and if they don’t find that in their day, or life, it bums them out. Maybe that was why that woman was so grateful to help me…she was in a deficit of assist, and was so relieved I came along!
Perhaps I shall make an effort to allow people to help me, even though I do not need or require it, just so as I can allow them to fullfill their need to help others. It will be very hard for me to overcome my standard “Oh no, I’m fine, thanks!” reply…but I can see now that it is a way of sharing love for humans, and sharing this love makes this world a whole lot better, doesn’t it!!??
-Cassandra, Charcotchacha copyright 2015
What a wonderful post. I’m reminded of my reaction to gifts. I really like to give gifts, I think it cultivating the spirit of kindness. Well, in order to make that ground fertile for others, I need to learn to accept gifts in the same spirit. I’m think there is some sort of feel good chemical reaction that happens in our brains when we are kind to others. I just don’t understand why some people have it, and other people don’t seem to.
Thanks Liz! I agree, it does feel good to be helpful to others. There is too much hatred in the world today, but I still believe that goodness prevails over that. I am going to be more open to help, and suppress some of my super-independent tendencies to allow that to happen! 🙂